If You Are Not Married, You Are Single

 

I must say this is a touchy subject for me. I came across this subject while watching a very opinionated man in a YouTube video. Although it was difficult to watch (because the truth hurts) I have to admit that I halfway agree with his analysis. I may have said some of the things he said but only in a nicer way. Maybe word it in a way that was less harsh and easier to take. But then I had to question why I felt it necessary to do that. Many times the only way to face reality and make changes is to accept things for what they are.  Sugar coating does not make it better for anyone. It only gives you an excuse to keep seeing things for what you want them to be instead of what they really are.

 

The main point of the YouTube video was that if you are not married then you are single. This I wholeheartedly agree with. He went on to say that he is tired of hearing people claim others as their “wifey” or “hubby” when they are not married. Again no argument from me there. But here is where it gets tricky. Only because I think most of us have been here. I’ll be the first to admit that I may have been slightly guilty of this during my committed relationship days. First off let’s define committed. I personally feel that a committed relationship with someone is an agreement between you and the other person that you will be exclusive to one another. You will not date, or be intimate with anyone else other than the person you are committed to.  The YouTube video states that we single/unmarried people in committed relationships take these commitments way too serious.

 

According to the video a committed relationship is more like giving someone your word. The example he gave was of someone borrowing a pen from you at work and giving you their word that they will bring it back to you by the end of the day. He goes on to say that if they do, that’s great. But if they don’t, then they just broke their word. Just like in a committed relationship if that person stays faithful to us then they kept their word. But if they don’t then we really cannot be upset because that person was not ours to begin with. This example I was not too happy with. I think a committed relationship is a little more serious then loaning out an ink pen. But it’s what he said after that which helped me to see where he was going with this.

 

The video went into detail and talked about laying up under your partner all day, exchanging house keys, cooking dinner for them everyday, cleaning their house and putting bills in each others name and having sex (especially unprotected). He called this “giving your all”. He says why would someone marry you when you are already giving your all? What he said after that really got me to thinking. He said that some would argue that they do all of those things with the anticipation of marriage. I don’t know if I ever really thought about it from this perspective. Although I don’t completely agree, its not all that far fetched. He said that a true committed relationship is called an engagement. That means that there has been a proposal of marriage and you have a ring. I don’t agree with an engagement being the only true way to commit. However, I do think so many of us sugar coat things. We commit to people for years at a time only for things to not work out. I think deep down we know that it doesn’t take 5 plus years to figure out that someone is not right for us. And that he or she is not your potential husband or wife. Three or more years should at the very least be an evaluation point.  

 

While this YouTube video was a little insensitive it was definitely food for thought. We single people need to recognize and admit to ourselves that we are indeed single. Embrace it and enjoy it! Save your married status on your social networking site for when you have truly made that commitment. Let your committed relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend be just that and know that the commitment you are making is not a forever commitment. Unlike the YouTube video I do believe in commitment before engagement. It is important to honor that commitment and stay faithful to the person you are committed to. However, I think we need to be realistic in knowing that this type of commitment is most likely temporary. This is not a lifetime commitment that you are making. So if you are unhappy and not fulfilled in your committed relationship get out and move on. No divorce is required. Because after all you are still single, not married!

 

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