Tuesday, 25 May 2010 16:38 | Written by Keiona Evans | | |
Cheaters: Men In the Spotlight
I must say that it is simply amazing to me that men are willing to risk it all for the chance to be/cheat with another woman. In most cases they risk losing their family, career and reputation to be with a woman or women they have no intentions on being with long term. If they do, then shame on the new woman for thinking that she does not run the risk of him doing the same thing to her! Why is this? More importantly why are men in the spotlight so bold with their cheating?
On a daily basis we watch celebrities, politicians, athletes, musicians, etc, make the decision to cheat and it sends their lives spiraling out of control. Yet this does not stop more and more men from making the same bad decision. To me it seems inevitable that what is done it the dark will eventually come to light. In my opinion it is even more likely that infidelity will be discovered if you are a “celebrity”. I’m not saying that men in the spotlight have a responsibility to be role models. What I’m saying is that it is common sense people! How easy is it for one of these women to tell and sell their story and become an overnight “celebrity” themselves? So why do men do it? Why not remain single and keep your career and reputation and everything that you have worked for in tact? What motivates men to take such a huge risk? For men in the spotlight is it the money and fame? For the everyday men is it the power? I guess for me the biggest question for me is: At the end of the day do you think that cheating men in the spotlight should expect that one day they will be found out? I do! Let me know what you think.
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Monday, 17 May 2010 21:21 | Written by Keiona Evans | | |
Give Him Up, Turn Him Loose
This topic came to mind while listening to one of my favorite old school EnVogue songs. It got me to thinking about when is the right time, if any, to walk away from a relationship. The most obvious time would be if there is some physical or emotional abuse involved. But what about the situations where it’s just not that cut and dry? Let’s say for instance you have been dating or in a relationship with someone for several years. You know in your heart that it’s going nowhere fast. Would you give up and walk away? Or would you wait until something better came along because you do not want to be alone?
I think that so often we’re able to look at another person’s relationship and know the solution right away. However, when it comes to making decisions with our own relationships we tend to put it off. I’m sure many of you can think of quite a few examples where you know it’s time to let go of a person, but there is something that stops you from giving them up and turning them loose. I am very curious to hear how you would handle it or if you would just wait for the other person to initiate the break? Your stories, opinions and feedback are welcomed and encouraged!
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Monday, 10 May 2010 21:55 | Written by Keiona Evans | | |
Trivial Pursuit – Should Women Pursue Men?
This is a subject I have discussed with friends and sometimes strangers all too often. Which leads me to ask myself if I’m old fashioned or on the same page with a lot of women today. After some thought on the matter, I decided that maybe my school of thought is in the minority instead of the majority. It is my opinion that it is the man that should pursue the woman. I think that most women in my inner circle agree. However, I have witnessed the reversal of roles and had conversations with many men and women who believe that it could and should go either way. Some even prefer that women do the pursuing. I personally cannot get with this shift of thinking. While I consider myself to be a modern woman, I just don’t see the need for this change. As the old saying goes, "If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.”
I truly believe that the man stepping up and showing his interest in a woman is the way it should be. I have seen the end result in a lot of cases where women have pursued men and it doesn’t seem to work out as well as a lot of people claim. I see women buying cell phones for men, paying their bills, taking them out on dates, introducing themselves to their male interest’s parents and family, etc. But in the end the woman feels used and alone when the guy moves on to the next woman who allows herself to be pursued. He does all of the things for his new love interest that his female pursuer did to try to win his heart. Then the next thing you know, the female pursuer is on a court show suing the man for all of the gifts she gave him to try to buy his love. Maybe I could be wrong or a little biased here. But from what I’ve seen, although men are flattered when they are pursued, at the end of the day I believe men naturally have the need to hunt and go after what they want. They take pleasure in this. Why change the natural order of things? But again I’m no expert. It’s only my opinion and I would love to hear yours!
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Sunday, 21 March 2010 18:12 | Written by Keiona Evans | | |
Ladies Quit Trippin…..There Ain’t No Shortage!
I have grown tired of the “shortage of black men headlines”. I do not and cannot deny that there are an alarming number of black men who are incarcerated, homosexual, on drugs, etc, and to the educated black female deemed ineligible. However, as a 30 something, educated, single black woman I have my own opinion.If nothing else, advanced education teaches you to be a critical thinker. Statistics can, have been, and will probably always be manipulated. I once had a professor tell his students to question everything we were told including the information that he gave to us. While he is a professor and an expert in the subject that he teaches, he is none the less human. We all have different life experiences and the way we interpret information often depends on those personal experiences. Statistics give us the numbers but I feel that there is much more to the problem than a shortage. I do agree that there is not and overflow. However, I’m just not buying the shortage. Although I have not found “the one”, I still meet a fair share of “good black men”. It was only over the past few years as I aged and matured that I noticed them. I think there are quite a few reasons why black women have such a difficult time meeting or noticing these men. Of course this is just my opinion, but here are a few of the reasons why:
1)Like attracts like
This is one of the spiritual laws of the universe. We have all heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”. We all tend to attract people who with whom we share character traits. Even the bad! Before you criticize the men you are attracting, take a look at yourself.
2)Single life
We say we are looking for a good man but our lifestyles contradict that. Hanging at the club every weekend is not portraying the image of a woman that is ready to settle down. I’m so guilty of this! LOL!
3)Trust
If you are still dealing with trust issues from your previous relationship, heal first then open yourself to a relationship with a good man.
4)Respect yourself
If you are having sex with a man faster than you learn his last name you will continue to meet the wrong type of men. This is a small world after all.
5)Past relationships
Refer back to trust. Take all the time necessary to heal yourself from past heartaches before you open yourself to any intimate relationship. Especially one with a good black man. If he is the one God has chosen for you he will still be there when you are truly ready.
6)He is not yours
He is a genuinely good man but he is in a relationship. I have seen women go out of their way to sleep with another woman’s man. All in an attempt to prove their belief that all men are dogs.
7) Listen and walk away
Maybe he is a good man but he is not ready to commit. If he tells you he is not ready that does not make him a bad man. He’s just honest. Leave yourself open for the man that is ready.
8)Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
I realized that men and women seem to approach marriage in different ways. Men, please correct me if I am wrong. Women fall in love and get married. Men decide they are ready to get married and look for a wife. Good or bad man, both of you must be ready.
Love it or hate it. This is my opinion on the matter and I would love to hear yours! Be sure to register and log in to leave a comment.
Tuesday, 09 March 2010 14:23 | Written by Keiona Evans | | |
If You Are Not Married, You Are Single
I must say this is a touchy subject for me. I came across this subject while watching a very opinionated man in a YouTube video. Although it was difficult to watch (because the truth hurts) I have to admit that I halfway agree with his analysis. I may have said some of the things he said but only in a nicer way. Maybe word it in a way that was less harsh and easier to take. But then I had to question why I felt it necessary to do that. Many times the only way to face reality and make changes is to accept things for what they are.Sugar coating does not make it better for anyone. It only gives you an excuse to keep seeing things for what you want them to be instead of what they really are.
The main point of the YouTube video was that if you are not married then you are single. This I wholeheartedly agree with. He went on to say that he is tired of hearing people claim others as their “wifey” or “hubby” when they are not married. Again no argument from me there. But here is where it gets tricky. Only because I think most of us have been here. I’ll be the first to admit that I may have been slightly guilty of this during my committed relationship days. First off let’s define committed. I personally feel that a committed relationship with someone is an agreement between you and the other person that you will be exclusive to one another. You will not date, or be intimate with anyone else other than the person you are committed to.The YouTube video states that we single/unmarried people in committed relationships take these commitments way too serious.
According to the video a committed relationship is more like giving someone your word. The example he gave was of someone borrowing a pen from you at work and giving you their word that they will bring it back to you by the end of the day. He goes on to say that if they do, that’s great. But if they don’t, then they just broke their word. Just like in a committed relationship if that person stays faithful to us then they kept their word. But if they don’t then we really cannot be upset because that person was not ours to begin with. This example I was not too happy with. I think a committed relationship is a little more serious then loaning out an ink pen. But it’s what he said after that which helped me to see where he was going with this.
The video went into detail and talked about laying up under your partner all day, exchanging house keys, cooking dinner for them everyday, cleaning their house and putting bills in each others name and having sex (especially unprotected). He called this “giving your all”. He says why would someone marry you when you are already giving your all? What he said after that really got me to thinking. He said that some would argue that they do all of those things with the anticipation of marriage. I don’t know if I ever really thought about it from this perspective. Although I don’t completely agree, its not all that far fetched. He said that a true committed relationship is called an engagement. That means that there has been a proposal of marriage and you have a ring. I don’t agree with an engagement being the only true way to commit. However, I do think so many of us sugar coat things. We commit to people for years at a time only for things to not work out. I think deep down we know that it doesn’t take 5 plus years to figure out that someone is not right for us. And that he or she is not your potential husband or wife. Three or more years should at the very least be an evaluation point.
While this YouTube video was a little insensitive it was definitely food for thought. We single people need to recognize and admit to ourselves that we are indeed single. Embrace it and enjoy it! Save your married status on your social networking site for when you have truly made that commitment. Let your committed relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend be just that and know that the commitment you are making is not a forever commitment. Unlike the YouTube video I do believe in commitment before engagement. It is important to honor that commitment and stay faithful to the person you are committed to. However, I think we need to be realistic in knowing that this type of commitment is most likely temporary. This is not a lifetime commitment that you are making. So if you are unhappy and not fulfilled in your committed relationship get out and move on. No divorce is required. Because after all you are still single, not married!
Sunday, 14 February 2010 01:09 | Written by Keiona Evans | | |
Cupid Shuffle
Valentine’s Day is here. It always tickles me when I see both women and men scrambling to find a date for the occasion. They’ve gone the entire year single, but all of a sudden it becomes critical to find a temporary mate. I call this the cupid shuffle. They shuffle through their stack of potentials to see who they can connect with for Valentine’s Day. Some are looking for a gift. Others are just looking for company. In either case it’s a temporary solution to get them through the holiday.
Being a single person myself, I can relate to the difficulty of spending Valentine’s Day without having met that special someone. However, I choose to spend the holiday and the week prior doing special things for myself and others. After all, the holiday is meant to celebrate love and self love is one of the most important and overlooked forms of love that I know. One day I gave myself a facial, another I rented a movie and the actual holiday I will pass out single roses at a senior citizens home. All of these things I do in the spirit of love because I recognize that romantic love is only one of the many types of love to give and receive.
So before you go seeking someone to fill the place of a Valentine’s Day boyfriend or girlfriend, consider trying something different this year. Do something special for yourself or volunteer to make someone’s day a little brighter. No need for the cupid shuffle. Just learn to appreciate the abundance of love already in your life.
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Tuesday, 25 May 2010 16:38 | 
Written by Keiona Evans | 
